Quotable Quotes

• God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
• The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
• Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
• I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
• I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
• Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
• I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
• There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
• NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.
• Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
• Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both sides.
• The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
• I pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.
• You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
• I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem