Rhymes by Children

A grade 5 teacher one day asked the children in her class to make rhymes with their names.

First up was Dan. A very adventurous child.

My name is Dan,

When I grow up to be a man,

I want to go to India and Japan,

If I can, If I can, If I can.

"Very good", the teacher said to Dan.

She then asked Sally that it was now her turn.

My name is Sally,

When I grow up to be a lady,

I want to have a baby,

If I can, if I can, if I can.

"That is good Sally," the teacher said. "But maybe one day you will change your mind."

Next up was Glenn. He was the naughty one in the class . Here is his rhyme:

My name is Glenn,

When I grow up to be a man,

Never mind India and Japan ,

I'm gonna help Sally with her plan,

I know I can, I can, I can.

Sweets from a stranger... ???

Remember when your mother told you never to take sweets from Strange men...

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... This is the one she was talking about!

The Mistress

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.

 

His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"

 

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife, who had been suspicious of her husband's recent behaviour. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."

 

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus' in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

 

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

 

"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

 "That's his mistress," says her husband.

 

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

Namma Bengaluru

Category	Rest of India	Bangalore
Foot path	For pedestrians	For two-wheelers
Autos	Run on Petrol/CNG	Run on Kerosene/LPG
Places where you can fill petrol/Diesel	Petrol Pumps	Petrol Bunks (or Banks)
How do cops stop your vehicle	Wave hand	Stand in front of the moving vehicle
Bribe paid to police if caught without documents	100 Fixed rate	100 normally, 200 or more if you are an IT/Call centre guy.
Worst Enemy	Pakistan	TamilNadu
Most Hated person	Pervez Musharraf	Deve Gowda
Reasons for rioting	Religion/ sacking of cricket player	Water
Favourite pastime of residents	Discussing why politicians suck/ why Sourav was dropped?.	Counting potholes
Front Page news	How their undercover reporters exposed MP's.(Note: Bury the story if your channel/newspaper doesn't have the exclusive).	Reporting number of Potholes especially ones that lie in the way of Mr. Narayan Murthy/ The Prasad Biddappa(who is he?) summer/winter/ monsoon fashion tips.
What News Paper editorials talk about	Is dropping Ganguly good or bad for Indian cricket?.	How closing pubs at 11 affect the IT industry.
English Spoken	With regional accent	With California / New York accent.
Languages Spoken	Hindi/English/ Regional	Every language on the planet.
Reasons for traffic Jams	Cows on the road	Flyover construction/ VIP visiting Infosys/ Infosys buses
Land grabbers	Mafia/Politicians	Software Firms
Historical Sites	Statues/ Buildings/ Temples	Half constructed Flyovers.
Frequent Complaints about Govt Departments	Corrupt/ Lazy etc	Don't have websites, Emails bounce

Out of the mouth of babes....

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?" 

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six." 

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window." 

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?" 

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough." 

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?" 

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?" 

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?" 

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?" 

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?" 

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"