Do Re Mi - Hic Hic Hic!!!

DO... the stuff... that buys me beer...

RAY... the guy that sells me beer...

ME... the guy... who drinks the beer,

FAR... a long way to get beer...

SO... I'll have another beer...

LA... I'll have another beer...

TEA... no thanks, I'm drinking beer...

Adult Riddles

Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?

A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your Mother-In-Law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q What's the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of 'Macho'?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a Guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a Walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and a Priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?

A. About three inches.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

Q: What's the difference between a Girlfriend and a Wife?

A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a Boyfriend and a Husband?

A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A . They don't have balls to scratch!

OH, don't groan. You know DAMN well you're going to send this on to somebody.

Live well, laugh hard, & love dearly!

Why God Made Moms...

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?

1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook?Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

When you stop Laughing - Send it to other Mothers, Grandmothers, aunts and anyone else who has anything to do with kids or just needs a good laugh.

Letters to 'Dear Pastor'

Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister.

Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville

Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson.

Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix

Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert, age 11, Anderson.

Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?

Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven

Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold.

Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany

Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago

Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance.

Sincerely, Eleanor Age 12, Sarasota

Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow.

Laurie. Age 10, New York City

Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner.

Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens

Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher.

Thank you. Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh

Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.

Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena

Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class.

Carla. Age 10, Salina

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.

Ralph, Age 11, Akron

Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers?

Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston

Outstanding…Sardar Humor

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?

Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status

Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..

Friend: How do u know?

Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!

Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?

Sardar: ZEBRA

Teacher: How?

Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White

Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court..

Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.

Manager: Do U know MS Office?

Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "

Air hostess said: "B silent."

Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"

Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!

Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?

Teacher: Me? No, why?

Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".

(Had never thought of it)

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?

Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE